Thoughts – July 12th, 2015

Without wanting to sound to dramatic I do feel a little sad and lonely.

Tomorrow, after two weeks at home, it is back to work. That is okay. I love my work although the distance and the increasing traffic jams are becoming a burden.

Two hours ago I brought Little A. back to her mother. My youngest daughter stayed with me for two weeks and we had lots of fun. Hell, she even talked me into watching her favorite series, Pretty Little Liars. I am well into season 1 and enjoying the story and plot.

I’ll be missing Little A. but in a few weeks she’ll be back for another fortnight. And this Thursday I am driving her to Antwerp where she’ll take the bus to Italy. It is with a youth organization. Little A. is also going to Croatia next month. She’s a lucky girl and I am happy she gets all these opportunities.

But now the apartment is empty and I feel alone.

My relation with Big A., my eldest daughter, on the other hand is not good at all. Sadly that is no news and it has been like this for several years now.

Sunday, a week ago, I went photographing in the Netherlands and the results did not please me. I screwed up one 120 roll of film during development and the two rolls of 35mm I shot with the Olympus OM-1n did not result in something interesting either.

I went out photographing again a few days ago and to my great surprise I chose my Nikon D2h with a Vivitar 75-205 f3,5 lens (40 years old), a Nikon 50mm f1.8 and the Nikon 24-120 with the Cokin holder for the infrared filter.
Nothing really interesting came out of it though.

Sweetheart arrived at my place yesterday at around 17:30 pm. We took Little A. out for ice cream and after that, back home, I opened a bottle of Cava for us both and we watched an intense and beautiful movie called “God’s Pocket“. The late Philippe Seymour Hoffman plays one of the lead characters. I love seeing him play, he was, in my opinion, a great and powerful actor.

Untitled (2015) Bronica ETRSi with Zenza 200mm and loaded with HP5+
Untitled (2015)
Bronica ETRSi with Zenza 200mm and loaded with HP5+

Those who are following this blog know I have problems with my 16GB 27″ iMac since I upgraded to Yosemite.

The system becomes very slow and sometimes even crashes or freezes. After a while some actions are so sluggish I simply push the off button and over time I had become very frustrated with this expensive computer because it is not reliable and slow.
Can you imagine typing something in Google’s search bar and see, after 10 or 20 seconds, the letters you typed appear? On a +2000$/€ computer????

Since a few weeks I had this free program installed, Dr. Cleaner from Trend Micro. Then I forgot about it but yesterday I finally ran it.
I had only a browser running and in the status bar Dr. Cleaner informed me almost 70% of my memory was in use. What the f#*k????

Apparently Folder Actions Setup was enabled and after doing some research on Google I found this was not a good thing.

Since I disabled it my iMac is once again the computer it was when I bought it, pre-installed with Mountain Lion.

In a few weeks I’ll have to make another decision and I’m still not sure what to do. I have a second blog, a very personal diary telling the story of Princess Sweetheart and me.

I haven’t been writing much for this blog this past month and in fact my last blog post on it was about saying goodbye. The reactions were intense and touched me. I had no idea my writings on that blog were so meaningful for a lot of people.
Merging both is not an option though.
We’ll see.

This evening I feel a little lost.

Sluice (2015) Bronica ETRSi loaded with HP5+
Sluice (2015)
Bronica ETRSi loaded with HP5+






  1. Sorry you’re feeling a bit low today, Stephan. But know that folks around this amazing ball truly love you and both blogs. We are blessed to have you in our lives this way. Your talent with the camera and love for Sweetheart are inspirations to us all. Love, Annie

    (PS – I sit and look each day at the most amazing photo of a beautiful tree that inspires me)


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